I Wannabe an Author

Tomorrow begins my new career as an author (rephrase–I’m hosting a book signing event). I’m sitting here thinking about how I got here? It seems like everything in my life has been leading up to this specific event. What if it fails? What if it succeeds, but I fail? What if I’m just an author “wannabe” who just thinks she has a message that can change people’s lives?

Then, I remind myself of the feedback I’ve gotten from the women who’s stories I’ve had the honor to share. Each woman has told me that sharing her story has furthered her healing. My support team has shared how the stories have impacted their lives with renewed compassion and hope. When I think of the smiles through the tears as someone shared her ongoing story with me, I realize this can’t be a traditional “wannabe” story.

I “wannabe” sharing life and hope with others. I “wannabe” a rule breaker who doesn’t realize that “once a victim, always a victim.” I “wannabe” showing others that you can be an Ex-Victim when Christ intervenes on your behalf. I “wannabe” focusing on the miraculous impossible instead of the expected norms. I “wannabe” the change in this world that helps others “wannabe” healed, too.

As I sat across the table from my mom putting together little gift bags to go with book purchases at the book launch tomorrow, I felt so blessed. The little bags each included a pack of tissues and a box of chocolates. The warning on the back of the book says, “better when read with tissues and a box of chocolates.” So, with an Alive & Beautiful bookmark, each gift set gives the reader the tools to navigate some deeply emotional waters.

Procedure: Read a story, mark your place with the bookmark, use tissue to wipe tears, and reward yourself with a chocolate!

I’m not a trained writer. I’m not being professionally published. I’ve never been to a book signing, much less a book launch. I have no idea what I’m doing. This makes you really want to read my book, right?

What I do know is that I’ve experienced damage and abuse. I do know how I’ve been helped and healed. I do know that there are way too many of us who’ve been horribly hurt. I do know that I feel best when I’m helping others. I do know that hiding things or living in denial doesn’t bring healing. I do know that I can be vulnerable and share my story. I do know that other women have trusted me with their amazing stories.

I’m excited to step into the unknown. I’m just crazy enough to trust my Creator with the outcome. I’m weak enough to ask for tons of help from people much smarter and more capable than me. I’m stupid enough to put my neck out despite dire warnings about people wanting to chop my head off. I’m childlike enough to believe in the impossible idea that sharing the stories of a few Ex-Victims can change how abused women see themselves.

I “wannabe" the spark that sets off a flame of hope that keeps spreading. Like a story in the book, Bloom In the Dark, my light on a hill might just be a pile of burning $#;+. But if that light gives hope to just one victim, it’s all worth it.

Despite all this craziness and uncertainty, I “wannabe” me!

If you like my blogs, please like, comment, share and “Follow.” Thanks for taking time to share my journey. Paula