But I'm Not Perfect

Jul 17, 2015 | I’m walking through the woods on a beautiful summer evening, wondering why God didn’t make me perfect. At eighteen, I feel like I should be put together. I’m an adult now, right? Shouldn’t I know who I am by now? But I’m not happy with who I am.

Everywhere I look, I see beauty. God made these beautiful trees, fluffy clouds, bright yellow flowers. They are so amazing! Then, I picture myself looking in the mirror this afternoon before my walk. I see myself as awkward, too skinny, wearing braces. My long blonde curls are pretty, and I like the color of my eyes but the rest of me is all wrong.….

God, why didn’t you just make me perfect?

I’m thinking that perfect means that I look like the Venezuelan Miss Universe with a warm complexion, high cheekbones, long wavy dark hair, big eyes, and the perfect figure. Perfect means no self doubt, absolute confidence, a permanent smile…. It means that my boyfriend would never have broken up with me. He would have wanted to marry me. Perfect–is what I’m not.

Then it hit me. I was talking to my Creator! In fact, I talk to Him all the time. Some people call that prayer or meditation. I call it a running dialog.

If you were perfect, you wouldn’t need ME was whispered in my soul. Of course I would still need Him. But if I was perfect, why would I need Him? Lucifer lost everything when he thought he no longer needed his creator. Would I really lose that dependence on Him if I didn’t have all my problems? I count on Him for everything. My heart and soul look to Him for meaning and help, constantly.

In your weakness, I am made strong suddenly took on an entirely different meaning for me. I didn’t need to be perfect to be the perfect vessel for Him to use for great things. Maybe I’m not perfect by my standards, but just maybe, God made me perfect for His plan for my life.